Its coming up on two years since I packed up my stuff and left the place that I called home for the last three years. Though I dont feel like I should drag out my posts on what happened , then I feel like its a step in a long recovery of loving myself. And loving things before I associated them with him. Tears pouring down my face, I was told things would not change. But they did , I lost a pet , I lost someone that I thought loved me. Maybe he did at some point , but the love wasn't there anymore and thinking about it now . I really wish most days I left sooner, one step with recovery is you start liking and doing things you did during the relationship. Talking with a counselor , she also spoke of it being a remembrance of good memories not the bad ones. I took a small step in that with cooking an egg in a nest, which is a piece of bread with an egg in the middle. Which was something that I loved , when I was with him. He actually made them for me when we first started d...
If I could I would say this.. since you've been in my life . You've made me feel like somehow I can conquer the world and try my best at anything. When your name lights up on my phone , I smile one of those smiles that you love. Just honestly friends right now , but I want to know you more and learn more and keep having you around me. You make me laugh with the silliest and stupidest things , you make me want to be better for myself and you. I know that our pasts have been not the greatest and we've had pain and things that we regret. You tell me , your keeping your distance because your scared at what I will think. But still, I want you to come closer to draw closer within your own time. Please don't ever feel that you aren't enough. Don't ever think that I wont turn away.. somehow things work out for a reason and things are still smoky as I would call it. We don't know where this is going to go.. but I still see something there I just don't know what ...
I haven't written in this blog in forever , but I need to start writing again. Sharing my feelings in hopes that someone knew they weren't alone in their struggles always made me feel like it was worth it. If just one person understood , and knew that they weren't alone in this then my little blog was worth it. And honestly its a dying art , not many people blog anymore. So back to the subject in question Ambiguous grief , or “ambiguous loss.” is defined it as occurring when there is a physical absence with psychological presence (e.g., a loved one is physically missing or bodily gone) or when there is a psychological absence with a physical presence (e.g., Alzheimer’s and other dementias). A mbiguous loss differs from ordinary loss in that there is no verification of death or no certainty that the person will come back or return to the way they used to be.” This was coined or first brought to attention by Dr. Pauline Boss in the 1970's who is a family the...
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