Wild and Faithful Heart

I know its been awhile since , I have written and updated everyone on my life. I will try to be as detailed as I can be without revealing much. I am in my career field now , and I work full time. Within life now , I do qualify as an essential employee . But I am a part-timer now , within my job , they did take some sort per-cautions. Within those it doesn't feel normal anymore. I dont get to socialize or see my co-workers as much. But I try to make and feel like work is normal. Such as the news recommends , wear makeup go to work and feel like everything is normal. I am grateful though for the small things , the people who support my brothers and soon to be sisters within our field. Giving us the option to not worry about a meal , so we can be concentrated on more important matters. Sure , I know they get gifts all the time , but remembering the employees that work with them as well. Truly makes my heart smile. As well , just remembering there are other parts of the team. D...

Its been awhile since I posted , when school is around I tend to get busy and my writing and posting takes a back seat. But there is so much going on within my life , its nice to write everything out and see it. I read my posts back in my head and I understand that things happen for a reason. Now back to my life at the moment , I am still a substitute teacher. Looking back on it and yes it has been a year since I've started at that position. But within that I know that it was something I needed to do to understand the lords timing in my life. And show me one of the gifts I have been provided , im told I have this great amount of patience . Mostly for younger kids , and within that I am often reminded of those teachers who had the patience to deal with me. Even if its just one day you can create a positive effect on a child that might last a life time.  I do have times in public where I am approached by students , that are younger if I would guess they range from preschool to 4th...

Why Do I write? I come and write the most random things in this blog , and when the topics can range from my basic life or things from my past  . I share pieces of my journey of my life because I want people to know that they arent alone along with their feelings or things that may have happened to them. I have an empathetic personality , within that I can feel emotions more deeply. I tend to want to help out and reach out more. My Blog well this one specifically is a way for me to reach out without actually being there. I've had a colorful life , and my life has been easy and then its been hard. I deal with depression sometimes , and then sometimes I deal with anxiety , or nervousness or im happy. The emotions I can feel range but its not a constant battle over time ive learned to deal with my emotions , in a healthy way. But it wasn't that way for awhile learning how to cope , giving myself that step to walk into a counselors office within my university. And shown I can b...

Its hard for me not to , but I still think what or where would be now? Would we be married? Would we be living in Texas ? What would be doing? I know Im better off without you , but there are those moments where I miss you. I see you in other people , and I know thats wrong , I should not miss you I should be thinking about the bad times. But I still remember the way that you smelled , the curious look in your eye when you were up to no good. The childlike wonder , I still think what would be today , if we never departed what would we be? These are my random thoughts..

This is to the girl , That is crying right now the heart break being fresh in her mind. This is for the girl who cannot get him out of her mind. I see you , how well put together you are sometimes and then sometimes you just fall apart. I was that girl , I still see that girl somedays she doesn't want to get up but she knows that she must face the day with everything she has. Who sees the couples on the sidewalk and in church or the coffee shop. Wishing that was still her, who still held on to that promise that he might show up one day. With a vase of flowers and wanting to tell her everything was alright. Honey he wont come back he wont ever come back. Maybe by some miracle he might come back , but what is the advantage in that? What is the true reward , if he comes back with his head hung low he just might be the same person that you left. You know what you need to do? You need to take a bath , not just a normal bath , buy one of those fun bath bombs. Paint your toenails , ...

Well , December is almost over  and everyone will soon be making those resolutions. I honestly dont believe in making them anymore. What the best possible thing to do is making short goals to meet rather than something you will dump and avoid weeks later. Though there is somewhat of the month left , I thought I would make short term goals before the month. I want to keep these goals short and then as well I want to make a long term goals . That need to be attainable. As always I guess you can say as well I am not the best at making my goals and living through them. But hey no one is perfect nor do they always meet their goals. I have several goals in mind but I am going to try to meet them. I guess you can say I will have several thoughts or rather subjects in mind. Short term Goals For December: Getting my Study Ready and my Recipes For Daniel Fasting.  Cleaning and getting rid of Clutter in my Apartment    Emailing and talking to companies to sponsor/revi...

I just thought I would share my feelings , And my life now as the holiday's come close. And another year has passed, Its been two years since I have said goodbye to the life I knew for 3 years. And since then I can honestly say I have changed. My life is different I am so close to my last semester of College. Walking the stage and moving on with the rest of my life. I am active in the church , I participate and I help with youth group. I am a leader in the college ministry and I am apart of it. I am going to try yet again to loose weight , Though I  have lost some weight. Funny enough , its a up and down thing with the weight thing . But I am trying to do my best , I am going to try my first modified fasting. And starting to get greater into the word and my prayers. I often think about life and what it would truly be if I did not leave. But yet I leave that to the imagination. I just rather not think about it. I just rather continue on with my life and enjoy time. I hope for th...

What attracts you on Love? This isn't as much an open ended question as a question for debate. It is not really as specific as you would like. I mean what would attract me on love? what is the qualities that I look for in a potential boyfriend? Then there is the other question what does love mean to you? I guess I can answer some or maybe all of these questions. Love is something that is unfiltered and raw. Something that can make you feel your best on one day. And then the next feel like the most alone person in the room. It can be a mother loving her kids enough to make sure they eat before her. Or someone as much as giving away their last dollar to someone so they can eat. Love can and does come in all shapes and sizes. Then I guess comes with the open ended question , what does attract me to someone? Do I have a specific list? Must they meet certain qualifications? First I honestly dont feel as if I should do that to someone you cannot make them into something their not. ...

Well it has been an eventful week , the semester is wrapping up and I am trying my hardest to pass with a c and b with my two classes. I made small steps into moving on with my life , Though I felt like I rushed the process when I first broke up. Now somehow I am going backwards and making a better effort. But its hard , it really is my mother was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday night and I had to officially be an adult. It sucks when the other person , than your mother who use to calm you down isnt there anymore. Sitting in the surgery waiting room , alone.. made me a mess. I wished he was there I wished somehow this would make him come. But honestly I knew this wasn't a movie , one of those romantic silly ones.  But I got through it , I had a friend who came by and sat with me my siblings came. But somehow in my mind , I thought about him , wondering what he was doing. Some how I need to stop these thoughts but this is my random thoughts post. School is wrapping up and I...

Day 11 of the Blogging Challenge: Ten Favorite Foods  I am so far behind but its helpful , Though I cannot really post any or all specific pictures of my favorite foods I can tell you what I love to eat. I love Watermelon , its an anytime of the year thing for me.  I love Spanish rice , especially when it is cooked by my mother. I love cherry or strawberry cheesecake when I was smaller I did not like cheesecake at all and now I love it!  I love tater tot casserole I love  enchiladas the sour cream ones are the best!  I love melon  I love strawberries I love different kinds of chex mix.   I love a good hamburger  Traditional Mexican Food, real food .. and trust me its different than what is served here in the USA.  Its a short and sweet post , I love more but these are usually more specific ones that I will always eat and love .

Well not all the time , I dont spend all day watching Tv. But yes I do watch tv among other things.  The new fall network , lineup has been here for awhile, and I thought I would share my thoughts on some old favorites and new ones that I have grown custom to watching over the summer break. This is us , (NBC) is one of those drama's that keeps you interested but wondering what is going on. I have only watched one episode , but read a few reviews yes I know that I am behind several episodes.  Westworld, (HBO) I have watched the first two episodes and really just want to binge watch this show. After one episode I was hooked, this show though I have not watched the movie that inspired the series. It just leaves you wanting more, I just love the whole world.  Timeless( NBC) this is one of those sci like shows that keeps you wondering. A group of time travelers are trying to prevent history from being written or rather unwritten. This is a favorite of my siblings , ...

My Life, " Purpose is born out of passion" , is one of the quotes that sticks with me. But what does it mean? Well to me , mostly I believe when you feel passionate about something. It can almost mean anything, but for me. I mostly have the passion to serve others , my mother raised me to have the passion to serve. It was something as small as collecting items for kids in Russia or being helpful to the teacher. Washing boards and keep the classroom clean, when I went into grade school , I loved working in the cafeteria . I served other students , and ate my lunch when everyone was finished eating. Though being an introverted personality with extroverted times in my life , I loved being the person behind the scenes. Growing up I had dreams of being a missionary or a speaker traveling the world and helping out. Talking to people about my experiences, how I lived my life. As I became a teenager , I struggled with my self-worth and somehow I knew I wanted to help those who f...