Wild and Faithful Heart

Its been awhile since I posted , when school is around I tend to get busy and my writing and posting takes a back seat. But there is so much going on within my life , its nice to write everything out and see it. I read my posts back in my head and I understand that things happen for a reason. Now back to my life at the moment , I am still a substitute teacher. Looking back on it and yes it has been a year since I've started at that position. But within that I know that it was something I needed to do to understand the lords timing in my life. And show me one of the gifts I have been provided , im told I have this great amount of patience . Mostly for younger kids , and within that I am often reminded of those teachers who had the patience to deal with me. Even if its just one day you can create a positive effect on a child that might last a life time.  I do have times in public where I am approached by students , that are younger if I would guess they range from preschool to 4th...

I want midnight runs cruising around town , going out on a summer night to watch the stars. I want randomness , and just because , I love you kinda days. I love the small things , the I just thought of you. I want the hugs around the waist and the kiss on the cheek. I want the " thats her " and the silly grin on your face afterwards . I want the randomness of cooking dinner for me and you , and having a night in . I want the dates where we dress up and paint the town red. Where we keep nothing from each other and lift each other up and cheer each other on. I want those nights where , nothing has gone right and no words are said but , we hold each other and just have a general unsaid conversation. I want the days and nights where we keep laughing because your my best friend and its just been a day where laughter and love is just flowing. I want those days where you let me nurse you back to health after being sick. I want those days where you do the same for me when im sick....

What Wonder Woman taught me , right now everyone is raving about the new wonder woman movie. For most people its just another movie that they will watch and enjoy. Not thinking about what is going on across the world. You see this woman , come alive on screen , she runs into danger and she fights "bad guys". I have seen countless photos of smaller girls wearing the outfit with grins on their faces. Embracing and seeing this woman on screen not afraid but rather going towards danger. I am 25 years old at the moment . Watching is movie for me , was like I was five again  seeing that a woman could be fearless and have emotions as well. To see a woman , command a presence when she goes to battle with men. I've talked about it before , I was raised by my mother I never knew my father until I was much older. I saw my mother strong raising a daughter on her own trying her best to make sure that I had a childhood.     All my life , I grew up with strong women who showed th...

Its that moment of clarity , where you finally feel like your in a good place . Your ready to leave it all behind, to take a chance. And although the road may feel shaky , and unsure somehow you feel like its time. Its time to fully leave the past behind , to quit looking back, to stop thinking that somehow . The person that broke your heart , that abused you will come back. That somehow everything will be better , and normal . Its not and it will never be, a tiger will never fully change its stripes. Im ready to feel butterflies , when I hear my name called . To be called beautiful , for who I am now not someone I will be in the future. But for who I am now , to sit down and have dinner and watch a movie , to cuddle with someone and feel my heart full. To stop the feeling of walking on egg shells and know that they will love you no matter what. To have someone passionate for you and to serve the lord. To wake up in the morning and see them beside you. To hopefully wake up one day i...

Well its getting closer to the start of the semester , and I have all my supplies ready to go. I am taking two online classes and working "full" time at my student job. Trying to get back in the network terms of a sense since everything went a little haywire during the holidays. My views and my engagement when down hit rock bottom. I honestly thought it was better to spend time with the family. And thats what I did , I am making more strides in loving my own company. Also in writing , I think I would like to write part time for a internet company. PuckerMob , or a journalism type of thing. I think it would be fun. My goals for this weekend is to plan more posts for the coming weeks , maybe binge watch that show I have been dying to watch and practice some self care and love. As well as worship and get more into the word <3 Until next Time oxox

I have just recently watched the movie Moana, which is apart and tells the story of some of the vast history of the Polynesian culture. That there is , this movie was one of the many favorites I hope some families loved. As I did , coming up the movie Coco , dives somewhat to a level to explain Hispanic culture. I feel these sort of movies need to happen more often for those families that steam from that culture. Then also new families that need something to expand kids culture . Sort of expanding the world around them and helpful when needing something worthwhile. I know this one one of my shortest posts that I have ever made but I think its worthwhile . To share that there needs to be more cultural movies made to reach out to those who may not understand it . When there is more teaching and more learning it makes everything worthwhile.

What attracts you on Love? This isn't as much an open ended question as a question for debate. It is not really as specific as you would like. I mean what would attract me on love? what is the qualities that I look for in a potential boyfriend? Then there is the other question what does love mean to you? I guess I can answer some or maybe all of these questions. Love is something that is unfiltered and raw. Something that can make you feel your best on one day. And then the next feel like the most alone person in the room. It can be a mother loving her kids enough to make sure they eat before her. Or someone as much as giving away their last dollar to someone so they can eat. Love can and does come in all shapes and sizes. Then I guess comes with the open ended question , what does attract me to someone? Do I have a specific list? Must they meet certain qualifications? First I honestly dont feel as if I should do that to someone you cannot make them into something their not. ...

Day 15: Where Do you see yourself in the Next Five years? In the next five years well that is something, to think about I mean everyone asks. Especially college students, I honestly hope that I am graduated and have my degree in criminal justice. With the plans that I have which include traveling and working as a missionary around the world. Which is a huge dream, and scary dream of mine. I hope comes in some sort of form. My dreams though I know arent really or may be in the plans for me. Which have always been dream and I hope they come true, is like I have which is to graduate , move from NM , fall in love again . Learn how to trust someone, again with my heart, and hope that we can pursue what God has in store for the both of us. Get married heck maybe have a few kids or even one. I wouldn't mind , get another pet. Though I feel like I could do that already I know I have to work , on myself and love myself again before I love someone else. Which I am slowly doing , and it ...

There is so much to say sometimes I feel as if I should shout it from the rooftops . But I am me , and that isn't my personality. Brokenness is something that rings true though , no matter what happened. If you want to talk about it or you dont want to talk about it , its apart of our testimony that gods love has for all of us. He will always get the credit and the glory , no matter what has been done. I have seen and been told so many stories. I am also a living and breathing testimony to what God has done and what he keeps doing in this life. I have had and been through things some would fall to. but this isn't my testimony. Though my current testimony can be read on this blog. Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. As it has been said in the bible  Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. He heals the broken , the sick , so many.. He is truly a God of everything. 

Just a small blurb today , a bit of reflection ..I recently had a friend go through a break-up. Made me think of what I went through. At some point the pain is not the same but all the same it felt real to me , being as shy as I am I went through what I felt more comfortable was the net. I started to net date and network, trouble is I fell for someone in SC . Ill keep names out of this story but none the less , I fell , I fell hard I felt like everything felt right . and I felt like someone finally cared and saw me for what I was. But I was wrong but what did I know? I was in love . None the less this quote rings true to what I felt , all those days that I cried and was mad at the world for one failed serious relationship.  I should have smiled and said thanks , for giving me a chance to find someone better than you. And I did , Not only is C much better he is way better a man , Than J was . He feels right , yes he is annoying and sometimes rude , but at the same time no one is p...

Its Valentines Day!  Who's your special someone , I thought I would highlight my special someone . Daddy to snickers and my wonderful hubby . I never thought I would ever meet someone who I connected so much with and spoils me. I think of all the years I want to spend with this man and that is forever , he may not even be someone I imagined myself with . But hes perfect to me in my eyes , when I cannot stand to face the day he is there and loving me . <3 ~Ill keep this short.. I love him..

Life can be a fickle thing sometimes , I thought I had finally made it home and was going to start my life with my baby (aka furbaby snickers) and my hubby. I had moved back and I was happy, but we were struggling money wise and it hurt to see snickers daddy so stressed about the littlest things. So the school decided to give me federal work-study money to work , but the thing was I had already left! what the heck , finally I got so upset and wound up that I decided to leave the family once more. It hurt so much because I wanted to stay so bad , but we needed the money . So I have packed up clothing and school things and now im living with my mother while I take a seasonal job at my college. And I've never missed my life at home with my cat and my hubby more. I thought I had climbed this hill , but none the less I want to thank-you everyone who sent litter  and food to help us . It was greatly needed and taken , so thank-you You dont know how much it means to me . None the less ...