Wild and Faithful Heart

Somehow , I think a part of me died when I broke up with my ex. The part that believed in fairy tales and happy ever afters. The girl that use to believe in everyone , now is thinking when and how long will this feeling last? I fully believe now that love is another form of self harm. I hate thinking so dark , when I can be a positive person most days. Now im just looking to take care of myself , because honestly if you don't no one else will. I'm praying and hoping , I can get those wonderful words said to me once I apply for a job after college. " welcome to.." And that I am able to make my family proud , I've always felt that what I do isn't enough. And somehow most of the time I am proven right. People eventually stop talking and find something better , which is disappointing and it hurts. I'm so freaking tired of it most days and I cant stop it from happening. I use to be this girl who believed in the good of people. Now im just waiting for them to

They say that God gives us this one life to live and then throws in the impossible. To see if we are strong enough to live with everything that happens in our life.. Honestly there has been a few things that have made me want to check out and leave. Such as people leaving , when I full heartily expected them to stay. Friends , and close friends , all gone .. I often wonder what is my deal. With letting new people into my life. I can smile and pretend like , im letting the person in. But honestly I think im to that point where I'm so closed off now , I don't let anyone in. Unless I think they can handle it. Im one of those people who have a collection of small and big scars that are "there" on my mind and my soul. I guess its going to take someone special to look past them and see that there is something there worth loving. That no matter how closed off and how much of a train wreak I feel someday's that there is someone that is just looking to be loved and want