Somehow , I think a part of me died when I broke up with my ex. The part that believed in fairy tales and happy ever afters. The girl that use to believe in everyone , now is thinking when and how long will this feeling last? I fully believe now that love is another form of self harm. I hate thinking so dark , when I can be a positive person most days. Now im just looking to take care of myself , because honestly if you don't no one else will. I'm praying and hoping , I can get those wonderful words said to me once I apply for a job after college. " welcome to.." And that I am able to make my family proud , I've always felt that what I do isn't enough. And somehow most of the time I am proven right. People eventually stop talking and find something better , which is disappointing and it hurts. I'm so freaking tired of it most days and I cant stop it from happening. I use to be this girl who believed in the good of people. Now im just waiting for them to leave , its disheartening I know and its disappointing.
I want something new and I want something to get excited for and I'm hoping something good will anymore. I just feel that its going to take me awhile to fall or think about ever being with someone . With the fear that they are just planning to walk out the door , when it gets tough. Because honestly I would not give up on them. So now , im just taking care of myself , minding my own business trying to make new friends and making the most out of life. I don't need someone to feel complete I need to learn more about self love. And keep just being me and being indpendant.
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