Tonight

Tonight I sit here and write my feelings out because , I cant calm down otherwise. The time ticks away , as I should be sleeping for work the next day. When I started this blog well .. this one personally I wanted to share my life experiences with the world. I wanted to share my struggles my triumphs and my battles. My dreams and I wanted first to let people know that they are not alone within all of this. That there is someone out there who cares and understands what you are going through.
Well , mental health has been here and there in the media lately , and while everyone feels like they know how to fix their friends. To hold their hand , while they rant and rave , or cry do they really know what their friends need? Can you spot someone in the crowd that has been struggling lately? that hides behind a smile , and then goes home alone and cries themselves to sleep at night? No this isn't a self help post , or what to do when your friend is depressed. The one thing that people in that mindset , dont like is pity. Sure you can sit there and feel sorry , but to be honest .. well here turns out I might give advice . The one thing that someone wants is normalcy within their lives they want to feel some sort of normal. They want to feel like somewhere out there , there is a place that they are free to be themselves and accepted. Within this place we dont get pity we get normal , those who cannot find that certain place "struggle" between reaching out and suffering alone. They sit within this cloud of doubt or they turn to coping methods , they join a club , they drink , they have sex. Something to fill that empty void and when that isn't enough.. well you know the end result. Then people are left with the why ? why did a person so full of life end their life. They always smiled they always were kind to strangers. The list goes on and on.. the hurt is then just transferred it latches on to the people left behind , in the wake of someone ending their life. The huge WHY .. rings in the air .. I myself .. I cling to moments where ... life I hold on to it like a string and if I dont watch it .. I find myself consumed in this endless cycle. Of feeling like .. im just pretending everything is alright , this usually can be cured .. with a day or two of mental evaluation. Of putting myself first , and having some alone time or being in the company of someone who will let me have these moments of not talking of .. talking myself out of my depression to let me act normal within doing something that I love. I dont think I want to blame any certain person , for this because there isn't .. when someone is depressed it can be a number of things .. at once or it can be one single factor . It differs sometimes , just depending on the person never believe that one depressed person is like the rest. Because we all struggle within ourselfs different struggles. But within that , we do know we can reach out to those we fully trust. I do have to say within that .. if someone who doesn't reach out to you please dont think its not because they dont trust you. Its mainly due to the fact you may not provide the "comfort" or rather treat them the way they want to be treated during a depression episode. Some people know the right things to do .. while others .. try to "force" some sort of help. To those who have delt with this most of their life they know how to treat their depression they know who to talk to who to helps them in a way that others do not. Please within that dont think that your friend doesn't want to turn to you.. they just dont think you understand them while they are in that state. I feel like .. this whole post is pure random thoughts .. all centered around one subject so take it as you feel.. Please know though you are not alone. Feel free to reach out.. I hope this week into a mind .. of someone that knows how it is to be depressed looks like.. And for my friends who read this .. im ok .. trust me. unless I say different.

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