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If I could..

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 If I could I would say this.. since you've been in my life . You've made me feel like somehow I can conquer the world and try my best at anything. When your name lights up on my phone , I smile one of those smiles that you love. Just honestly friends right now , but I want to know you more and learn more and keep having you around me. You make me laugh with the silliest and stupidest things , you make me want to be better for myself and you. I know that our pasts have been not the greatest and we've had pain and things that we regret. You tell me , your keeping your distance because your scared at what I will think. But still, I want you to come closer to draw closer within your own time. Please don't ever feel that you aren't enough. Don't ever think that I wont turn away.. somehow things work out for a reason and things are still smoky as I would call it. We don't know where this is going to go.. but I still see something there I just don't know what ...
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Recovery and Moving on with your life : Its a Process..

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Its coming up on two years since I packed up my stuff and left the place that I called home for the last three years. Though I dont feel like I should drag out my posts on what happened , then I feel like its a step in a long recovery of loving myself. And loving things before I associated them with him. Tears pouring down my face, I was told things would not change. But they did , I lost a pet ,  I lost someone that I thought loved me. Maybe he did at some point , but the love wasn't there anymore and thinking about it now . I really wish most days I left sooner, one step with recovery is you start liking and doing things you did during the relationship. Talking with a counselor , she also spoke of it being a remembrance of good memories not the bad ones.  I took a small step in that with cooking an egg in a nest, which is a piece of bread with an egg in the middle. Which was something that I loved , when I was with him. He actually made them for me when we first started d...
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The Journey So far...

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I think I have started this journey several times with progress and then no progress. I know I can loose the weight , and I know I have the will power to keep going. I believe my lowest weight was 216 at some point. At the moment , I am resting at a five pound loss which was a start with weight loss at 256 pounds. Its something honestly and I do feel frustrated that I have not gotten as far nor lost as much weight as I could or would like to do. But I honestly have to tell you this is a work in progress , all jokes aside somedays you drink all your water goals and work out as hard and as best you can. Then somedays you have cookies and junk food for your meals because you are traveling. There is a real balance there and you dont need to beat yourself up because it goes wrong. I skipped a week's worth of workouts and gym time because I needed to get some things done at school. And my work schedule changed, everything is a work in progress , whats frustrating is getting those peop...
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