A long and Bumpy Road its life and my faith

Faith is something that has been a debate in my life, and for one its kept me together. I grew up in a christian household going to church for as long as I can remember and attending VBS every summer. It was the thing to do where I grew up, and then when I got older I attended, summer camp a week away from home and responsibilities. As I grew older , that is when the doubt came existent in my life , I couldn't understand why I wasn't like the rest of the girls around me. They had friends galore and boyfriends , I couldn't understand it. My faith began to falter and began to become less and less. College came around , and then it became almost non-existent I became busy with school and trying to make the grade and school activities. Then my last relationship started , and now I can admit with a non-christian he didn't believe and if he did he did not share with me. As time went by and the visits with my church came and went. Somehow I could as if I was being judged , because of my status because I chose not to at the time get married to the man that I was living with. And somehow in the church community that made me the black sheep of everyone's conversations. 

Somehow though even though I was on the fence about everything , I always kept the small amount of faith that there was a God. And if he was doing all of this for a reason , time after time , god showed his kindness and his love. Somehow I kept that small amount of faith that he put me here for a reason. And after awhile that reason during that last relationship, became apparent , a comment was made . I did not see that I was worth love or light until she came into my life I felt as if I had a purpose in his life at the same time. I was fighting my own battle , things in the home life aspect were not improving we were living paycheck to paycheck. Day by Day with one full time check and a part time check. I became miserable because I could do nothing about it, arguments and yelling became more apart of daily life. It was tearing me apart , I began to dream and imagine going back home , just leaving , then I began to remember the love and me and him against the world. 

That is what tore me apart there was good times , and I thought we had each others backs. No one tells you that the end of a REAL relationship is the harshest thing you will experience. Everything that we were holding back everything that was in our head came out that last night and it was rushed. This is only one part of my life and one part of my walk on my path of faith.