Wild and Faithful Heart

Its been awhile since I posted , when school is around I tend to get busy and my writing and posting takes a back seat. But there is so much going on within my life , its nice to write everything out and see it. I read my posts back in my head and I understand that things happen for a reason. Now back to my life at the moment , I am still a substitute teacher. Looking back on it and yes it has been a year since I've started at that position. But within that I know that it was something I needed to do to understand the lords timing in my life. And show me one of the gifts I have been provided , im told I have this great amount of patience . Mostly for younger kids , and within that I am often reminded of those teachers who had the patience to deal with me. Even if its just one day you can create a positive effect on a child that might last a life time.  I do have times in public where I am approached by students , that are younger if I would guess they range from preschool to 4th...

Why Do I write? I come and write the most random things in this blog , and when the topics can range from my basic life or things from my past  . I share pieces of my journey of my life because I want people to know that they arent alone along with their feelings or things that may have happened to them. I have an empathetic personality , within that I can feel emotions more deeply. I tend to want to help out and reach out more. My Blog well this one specifically is a way for me to reach out without actually being there. I've had a colorful life , and my life has been easy and then its been hard. I deal with depression sometimes , and then sometimes I deal with anxiety , or nervousness or im happy. The emotions I can feel range but its not a constant battle over time ive learned to deal with my emotions , in a healthy way. But it wasn't that way for awhile learning how to cope , giving myself that step to walk into a counselors office within my university. And shown I can b...

I want midnight runs cruising around town , going out on a summer night to watch the stars. I want randomness , and just because , I love you kinda days. I love the small things , the I just thought of you. I want the hugs around the waist and the kiss on the cheek. I want the " thats her " and the silly grin on your face afterwards . I want the randomness of cooking dinner for me and you , and having a night in . I want the dates where we dress up and paint the town red. Where we keep nothing from each other and lift each other up and cheer each other on. I want those nights where , nothing has gone right and no words are said but , we hold each other and just have a general unsaid conversation. I want the days and nights where we keep laughing because your my best friend and its just been a day where laughter and love is just flowing. I want those days where you let me nurse you back to health after being sick. I want those days where you do the same for me when im sick....

(( random thoughts tonight)) Its coming up over a little of 5 years , since I turned and left a life that I didn't think I was going to leave. I know at times , people might think I sound like a broken record , since well its been five years I know most people would sit there and say come on and move on. To be honest yes I have moved on my life does not revolve around his issues or his families issues anymore. But there are after effects it has been proven that emotional abuse survivors deal with , they may move on. But by impulse there are things certain triggers that can cause a survivor to dive into a tail spin. When I say tail spin , that doesn't mean someone is going to do something drastic . It might be something as simple as , taking an afternoon off and isolation from the rest of the world. They may cry or release the tension or emotion somehow. Within recovery you start to learn what these things are what are triggers , for me It was useful to be connected to a s...

We haven't talked in a few days , or seen each other in months . The days go on and its hard not to believe everything that others tell me. Somehow I thought it would all be different, somehow I thought you were different this time. We finally understood each other , and somehow everything would be different. Now im just here with my thoughts and its hard to not completely think you've changed your mind. Others would tell me be patient while others say your covering for another life you've started with someone else. Its hard not to think you just used me , like the past.. its hard not to let the tears fall . Its an on going battle not to block you from all my social media and move on with someone. Start fresh move away from everything and just be selfish for once. But yet here I am waiting.. stupidly on my part I think. Because when it comes down to it .. it will always be you.. my heart somehow will always want you.. Unsure if you'll ever read this but if you do.. ...

This might be a long or a short entry.. The last journal or blog post as we all know it . I wasn't in the best place , I was down a dark hole. Do I often go there ? No I dont I usually tend to have a more positive view on my life. I mean honestly it can be worse . There are so many people that usually tell you that. I started the process to start my career in law enforcement , within this last year. And honestly it has been hard , while I write this post it is currently 43 degrees outside and I am currently planning on going on my daily run\jog. Its truly hard to go , when my body doesn't love it. But I just feel drawn to law enforcement , although graduated with a very broad field. Within this , you also could ask you struggle with stress and anxiety so why bother with a job that is going to throw you in a higher levels of stress and anxiety? I've become a pro at self care and handling how I feel within my life. If you are given the right tools to handle that type of st...

Tonight I sit here and write my feelings out because , I cant calm down otherwise. The time ticks away , as I should be sleeping for work the next day. When I started this blog well .. this one personally I wanted to share my life experiences with the world. I wanted to share my struggles my triumphs and my battles. My dreams and I wanted first to let people know that they are not alone within all of this. That there is someone out there who cares and understands what you are going through. Well , mental health has been here and there in the media lately , and while everyone feels like they know how to fix their friends. To hold their hand , while they rant and rave , or cry do they really know what their friends need? Can you spot someone in the crowd that has been struggling lately? that hides behind a smile , and then goes home alone and cries themselves to sleep at night? No this isn't a self help post , or what to do when your friend is depressed. The one thing that people in...