Wild and Faithful Heart

I always have a ton of things on my mind, none are worthy of worrying about but I do . The music above basically describes in a nutshell my relationship with my father. Im 20 years old and the only true memory I have of him is him running out on me during spring break. He had free room and food at my mothers house, I lived in the dorms at the time . And what does he do? he leaves to a tour an 1 and mins away , everything he promised me down the drain , he told me he was going to teach me how to drive take me out to lunch when I was done with work and school . Did he do any of that? no ...He left me , when I stopped crying and he finally called my mother to tell her where he was (my aunts house) . He promised he would make it up to me , he tried .. but .. honestly it just felt like he was buying me off , taking me out for dinner a movie and shopping . A girls dream right? honestly not at the most , yes granted I did spend time with him saw him. But I never felt loved b...

"You Are More"~ Tenth Avenue North  There's a girl in the corner  With tear stains on her eyes  From the places she's wandered  And the shame she can't hide  She says, "How did I get here?  I'm not who I once was.  And I'm crippled by the fear  That I've fallen too far to love"  But don't you know who you are,  What's been done for you?  Yeah don't you know who you are?  You are more than the choices that you've made,  You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,  You are more than the problems you create,  You've been remade.  Well she tries to believe it  That she's been given new life  But she can't shake the feeling  That it's not true tonight  She knows all the answers  And she's rehearsed all the lines  And so she'll try to do better  But then she's too weak to try  But don't you know who you are?  You are more than the choices that you've ma...

I am a Christian , And I believe a lot of things , I wouldn't really call myself a closet christian or a out there trying to save everyone on the planet person. I believe that there is a god , and that he has a plan for each of us Some may ask , well you dont go to church .. you Arent a christian. I fully believe that the church is a building that we meet at and the church doesn't make us its the people who fill the church . Im not a perfect christian either, no one is no matter how hard they try . Ive done things , I rather not go into detail that im not proud of but im getting better , im trying to make things right . But people have to know , Its a choice I made yes what I did was a mistake but .. Im learning from it . Without getting into too much detail , I gave it up to my future husband just honestly a little too early. And some people wonder about the reason I chose to move in with him before we got marr...

A lot of people look at me and the place I grew up , and my Hispanic origin  wonder why I am the weird one lol. Who loves Broadway , Dance and Acting .. Most of those things tie in together Ive noticed .  My culture does have stuff that is Broadway and other things .. But they Arent as main stream . But Heck I admit it , I love to dance , I may not be as good as most people but I try . If I could attend dance class everyday I would . Dance is Freedom to Me , its like releasing stress I think one of my main dreams is I wish I could dance what I was feeling . I do it when im alone , :P but thats beside the point, I love acting yes I did give it up for another degree but the point is that one of the reasons I quit was that favorites were always getting picked . And also I really dont think im that good , lets be honest  Now if I get the chance to move from this area I am going to pursue acting , and get my nurses degre...

My heart goes out to all the families who were effected by the shooting , and also the EMS , Police and Fire on scene . And then the unsung heroes the dispatchers who took those frightened calls , of the people inside. They are the angels on the other end of the line , apart from their jobs being stressful they hear the frightened calls the screams of horror unable to do anything  . But be there for the person, and try to keep them calm until help comes for them. ~RIP to all the victims ~

Katy Perry is my hero and my own personal mentor , she grew up in a strict christian household . Where the bible was the law like me . I love her choices to be out there and be herself and not let anyone hold her back from what she wants to do . She was different from her family , and she has been through some hard times , but did she crumble? yes maybe a little .. but she got through it . I admire her strength to keep going even though times are tough . I want to be the person who I want to be , I want to be happy .. I may go through some tough times . Like now , but I know that .. It wont rain forever .. Her parents after a while , are happy that she is doing what she loves . But she lost christian friends because of it , its hard .. to go after your dreams and become someone great and live a happy life. Things happen for a Reason, they honestly do .. and you learn . I wasn't allowed to do so much in my house it wasn't funny ..  my best f...

Well , found out a lot of things these last weeks  Cam will not be going into the army national guard due to eye problems. Well they lost a very good solider , he took it a little hard the first day but then he was ok. Once one door opens another closes , that's what I say  . But life goes on , in the house of Lucero Im still trying to find a job due to the lack of people not needing anybody . But im trying so hard many people think im moping , but im not the trouble is .. there are no jobs here unless you beg on your hands and knees . Or just wait .. honestly last time I was let off it took me two months before I finally got in another job . Its hard and its so freaking frustrating when you think you found a job or someone who might take you . But they cant because they cant afford you or they staff out of town. I hate it , people are starting to honestly think im lazy but im not , im sorry im not fit for the job im sorry , I cant do this or this .. I...

what can I say about my colorful life? LOL .. not a dull day .. not a dull day.. Well .. its somewhat official sort of according to cam, hes a in the Army National Guard . Reserve duty for a year , then a switch to active duty, its what he always wanted . And with the army comes basic training and other training. So 5+ months without my other half, ~sigh~ ... I try not to think about it he tells me not to count my chickens before they hatch he may not be in .  Either way me being me im going to sit there and know somehow that he will leave soon .. :( sad face .. I dont want him to leave if there is someway for him to be in the army and not leave I would take that . But he has to go to training, I got to calm myself down and know that everything will be ok . Gosh knows ill be counting down the days until I see him again , hes the best thing that has happened to me. And im going to take his last name someday , Gods plan has so much for us I cant w...

As to quote Lindsey Lohan "im sick and tired of rumors starting , im sick of being followed im tired of people lying saying what they want to about me". I honestly ever since , Ive started dating Cameron it seems like people are trying to mess with us. It buggs the crap out of me , geez I mean I cant catch a break the one person I love and would die for . And people tend to see what they can get in the way , I hate it .. so much .. From phone calls to people hacking my stupid FB im to the point of deleting the stupid thing . But I have family and friends , that are near and dear to me . So im not deleting it , So ill keep it .. I just hate being accused of stupid things when its something small ...I hate it .. I truely Do . Cameron , is the most caring supportive , brave sexy silly ... etc. etc. the list goes on. lol.. He means the world to me , why would I cheat? im not the cheating person 1st of All ... Hes the best thing that has happened to my life period.. 2nd . from the...

what a week it has been and this new week has promised to be just as stressful and busy in a way. I got laid off work this week .. no regrets honestly . Just a little bit of .. honestly .. I have nothing bad to say about my old boss or my job. Just that they could have trained me better and gave me a rule book. I wish both teachers the best of luck, and non-stressful days. On a lighter note my wonderful boyfriend graduated from dispatch school , Im so proud of him and so is his family and mine. He has come a long way , and life will get better for us sooner or later we are young . Its just going to be a bit harder for us for a while , but what doesnt kill us makes us stronger. Summer I can say is definitively here ! it is so hot ! And im excited for the coming days! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I cant wait for vacation with my love! 

My loves graduation ~ Everyone is soo proud of you! oxoxoxoxox

This week has taught me a lot of lessons , Everybody can judge you without saying anything . And people change , Please keep in mind . I still have alot of respect for everybody who knows me personally and knows my journey and the things ive been through . But due to the choices ive made in my life , moved in with my fiance/boyfriend , took up a different job have a whole new life. Im still the same person , im still christian I still believe in god , and that he has a greater plan for me than just being in one place until I finish college . If you would have asked or told me a year or two years ago that I would be living with someone , not be going to school for a year , and working with kids. I might have looked at you funny and then brushed it off and went along with my business . But now its happening , and things are different and our plans are changing even also god is leading us different places , we wont be in this town for long . I have a feeling about it , we will ...

well as of lately ,  Ive been back in my hometown , just hanging out and being with family and friends . And time has changed a lot , kids I use to know have grown up and are older babies are born . But as I say most days life goes on , and it does no matter what you seem to do or want to do . But Im no longer part of my hometown I chose to leave and be with someone I love very much. And apart from what others think im happy , Somedays may be stressful and hard in my new life . But heck to me its worth it I have my own freedom , Im with someone that I love very much . I dont care that it doesn't seem like the life for me , I am who , I am . Apart from my wonderful love , our kitty is just adventuresome and funny as the day we got her . This week , she has been sleeping with me and keeping me happy while my love is gone. She has recently been carrying a toy around like a doll , does a child . I think its so cute , and kinda funny when she does that she also...

So another week has ended here ,  Got paid and then was broke an hour later ... sometimes being an adult sucks big time. This week at work was horrible , it seems like no one seemed to care about the schedule . I had to go in several hours earlier than I wanted , which I hated because it seemed like every parent seemed to drop their child off that certain day just to piss me off . Nobody seemed to care that I was the teacher , everybody just wanted to mess around thank-goodness I got leave early to go run errands . I was fixing to go hide in a closet, I was able to go to Clovis and get out of Fort Sumner , bought snickers more toys hee hee . I know I know I shouldnt spoil the cat but she is like a child to me and Cameron, granted we dont feed her our food . She has her cat food but she is a spoiled brat , Cameron babies her and so do I, most days when she isn't trying to eat my feet in the morning . But honestly she is a ...

Geez, its been a while  I hardly write anything anymore . Well as most people know I dont call Portales home anymore , I live in Fort Sumner with my boyfriend of 6 months Cameron. And as many people think but do not know , I haven't given up on college! I only left because of my health which is ok at the moment , given the fact that im getting over tonsillitis that one of my daycare kids gave me. I work in a daycare now , not all day since it seems like living here will only be two yrs or so. But honestly a lot has been happening in the Lucero/Nunez house or rather apartment . Cam , is working on enlisting in the military at the moment they dont know if they are going to accept him yet . while this is happening over things happen as well , I was going to go back to school over the summer and keep going at my degree in criminal justice. But Eastern isn't giving out any money help , only student loans, I already took two loans out t...