Wild and Faithful Heart

This last week , there has been so much effort to spread awareness about suicide we learned of the lead singer for Linkin Park took his own life. For most reasons that were not stated. When someone is hurting , they may not always show it, even the happiest people can cry in the dark. I've dealt with my battles in the past , and I still sometimes deal with self confidence issues. But the one thing , for sure there is so much holding me here giving me hope. I have friends and I have family that I know would be there , if I asked. For those who sit there and tell me well I dont have anyone , you need to realize there is someone out there who loves you. There has been so much media , and craze with 13 reasons why , and its going on its 2nd season. I am not thrilled , this is only highlighting something many people deal with. The lead character , leaves "tapes" for those she left behind stating why she took her own life. I have seen the teaser for season 2 , which left me

What Wonder Woman taught me , right now everyone is raving about the new wonder woman movie. For most people its just another movie that they will watch and enjoy. Not thinking about what is going on across the world. You see this woman , come alive on screen , she runs into danger and she fights "bad guys". I have seen countless photos of smaller girls wearing the outfit with grins on their faces. Embracing and seeing this woman on screen not afraid but rather going towards danger. I am 25 years old at the moment . Watching is movie for me , was like I was five again  seeing that a woman could be fearless and have emotions as well. To see a woman , command a presence when she goes to battle with men. I've talked about it before , I was raised by my mother I never knew my father until I was much older. I saw my mother strong raising a daughter on her own trying her best to make sure that I had a childhood.     All my life , I grew up with strong women who showed th

Its that moment of clarity , where you finally feel like your in a good place . Your ready to leave it all behind, to take a chance. And although the road may feel shaky , and unsure somehow you feel like its time. Its time to fully leave the past behind , to quit looking back, to stop thinking that somehow . The person that broke your heart , that abused you will come back. That somehow everything will be better , and normal . Its not and it will never be, a tiger will never fully change its stripes. Im ready to feel butterflies , when I hear my name called . To be called beautiful , for who I am now not someone I will be in the future. But for who I am now , to sit down and have dinner and watch a movie , to cuddle with someone and feel my heart full. To stop the feeling of walking on egg shells and know that they will love you no matter what. To have someone passionate for you and to serve the lord. To wake up in the morning and see them beside you. To hopefully wake up one day i

So , I am going to update you all on the journey so far , I have stepped up the work and the effort to lose the stubborn weight that I have been carrying all these days. Since the semester has ended my two hour workouts , have been shorted to an 30 min workout at the most. I am going to try to do my best to take back the time that I have lost and add one more hour , for the total of 3 hours spread out through the day. Two here , one here , and one last one somewhere in between . I think the word for this Sumner , would be confidence to have the passion to dive after my weight loss goals and crush them. I already have crushed one goal , to pass a certain physical fitness test I need to run 1.50 in 15 min , I can run 1.00 in 17 , so I need to cut that down. But its a start , As well as having a meal plan and sticking to it . Sweets and junk every once in awhile more like once a month or so. Sticking with a plan makes something more worthwhile.  Until next time.  start weight:260 c

I dont think in a normal sense that , I did not move on.. I just somehow held hope that maybe. Though he was horrible match , I still loved him with my whole being. And I am still effected to this day by the things that happened. I am now , ripping off that imaginary band -aid allowing the wound to bleed its course to heal and to repair and scab over. We travel we search that whole world for someone who would understand what we feel. And when we think that we have found that person , its so hard to let go.  When that person has found someone else.  You have to stop , stop bringing up the memories , stop looking to the past to fulfill the hurt that has long since past.  But somehow , even years from now I know that we will somehow think about the past . Though we do our best not to. We will still remember the gifts the trips , the love that was shared no matter the harder times that were shared. He has moved on and so should you. You need , I need to allow myself to  de-clutter my lif

Its hard for me not to , but I still think what or where would be now? Would we be married? Would we be living in Texas ? What would be doing? I know Im better off without you , but there are those moments where I miss you. I see you in other people , and I know thats wrong , I should not miss you I should be thinking about the bad times. But I still remember the way that you smelled , the curious look in your eye when you were up to no good. The childlike wonder , I still think what would be today , if we never departed what would we be? These are my random thoughts..

I think I have started this journey several times with progress and then no progress. I know I can loose the weight , and I know I have the will power to keep going. I believe my lowest weight was 216 at some point. At the moment , I am resting at a five pound loss which was a start with weight loss at 256 pounds. Its something honestly and I do feel frustrated that I have not gotten as far nor lost as much weight as I could or would like to do. But I honestly have to tell you this is a work in progress , all jokes aside somedays you drink all your water goals and work out as hard and as best you can. Then somedays you have cookies and junk food for your meals because you are traveling. There is a real balance there and you dont need to beat yourself up because it goes wrong. I skipped a week's worth of workouts and gym time because I needed to get some things done at school. And my work schedule changed, everything is a work in progress , whats frustrating is getting those peop

I have been neglecting my blogging duties ever since Spring Break and I am sorry. I am trying to come up with more content other than my life. When I created this blog I wanted it to be something that I was proud of something that I could share with the world. As well now being something to help others, those who are struggling with certain aspects of their lives. I want this to be a tool that they know they can read and know that they are not alone.  Now I guess I can go on with my Updates ,  I am now nearing one of my last semesters in College , so everything has gotten to be very stressful. And a million thoughts running through my head most days. I still have not found my internship , got my taxes done , nor completed my Fasfa . And somehow .. now tracking my social security.. trying to remember if I put the right number down . Or if I am going to have to correct my number somehow.. or if that is even possible. I guess you can say I have got senioris bad , and that is not a g

I struggle , I struggle with the past , with the hurt that I feel day to day sometimes. I struggle with the life I thought I was going to have two years ago. I struggle with the self confidence , and feeling comfortable in my own skin. We all have our struggles , and our vices things that no matter how much self improvement we want to do . They will always be there , and it sucks but I digress we move on. But through and through we have to remember that , The Lord is with us no matter what . Through our tears and our self doubt that we believe in he is there. He reminds us in scripture , through these verses and more . That though we may struggle we need to know that Trusting in him , is something that needs to happen. Without learning to trust him , then we will continue to self doubt our problems and troubles. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your

Well its getting closer to the start of the semester , and I have all my supplies ready to go. I am taking two online classes and working "full" time at my student job. Trying to get back in the network terms of a sense since everything went a little haywire during the holidays. My views and my engagement when down hit rock bottom. I honestly thought it was better to spend time with the family. And thats what I did , I am making more strides in loving my own company. Also in writing , I think I would like to write part time for a internet company. PuckerMob , or a journalism type of thing. I think it would be fun. My goals for this weekend is to plan more posts for the coming weeks , maybe binge watch that show I have been dying to watch and practice some self care and love. As well as worship and get more into the word <3 Until next Time oxox

This is to the girl , That is crying right now the heart break being fresh in her mind. This is for the girl who cannot get him out of her mind. I see you , how well put together you are sometimes and then sometimes you just fall apart. I was that girl , I still see that girl somedays she doesn't want to get up but she knows that she must face the day with everything she has. Who sees the couples on the sidewalk and in church or the coffee shop. Wishing that was still her, who still held on to that promise that he might show up one day. With a vase of flowers and wanting to tell her everything was alright. Honey he wont come back he wont ever come back. Maybe by some miracle he might come back , but what is the advantage in that? What is the true reward , if he comes back with his head hung low he just might be the same person that you left. You know what you need to do? You need to take a bath , not just a normal bath , buy one of those fun bath bombs. Paint your toenails ,

When it comes down to it , and its the brutal truth . Maybe someday you will read this or maybe not. Most days I believe that I kept going despite all the craziness that went with your life. If I honestly gave up then I would have left a long time ago. I stuck it out for 3 years, and when it comes close to say it. I would not have changed it for the world , you showed  me so much , what I wanted to have and what I did not need to deal with or deserve. When I do get in that mood or I think about what could have happened. I was the one who was wanting to stick it out until the end. I was the one who would have climbed mountains for you. When you did the basics , you were loving you were there for me when it counted. But at the same time , you lost that same spirit that you once had. But I still remember that day , when you gave up . When you said that is enough , when you sat and told me all these lies. And dont get me wrong , I thought at the time , it was the truth. YOU were the one