Wild and Faithful Heart

In the style of Pucker Mob, if you dont know what that is google it . To the one I thought I would grow old with, I read these various articles that explain my feels to the point . I feel like they are reading from my diary, my personal one not the one I put out there. We were beautiful you and me . Some kind of storm that just worked , you made the demons in my head grow quiet. I silenced yours, I brought light into your life like you said when all you could see was darkness. I remember that first night we spent together, both young, stupid and falling in love. I was thinking these dreams in my head. Marrying and falling deep in love the kind that you see in movies and want so badly. We moved in together and began the "married life" even though we weren't married. We both worked jobs and lived a comfortable life style for awhile. Then hard times hit , and with those hard times ,  came regret , sorrow , and depression. You yelled , and made your point too many times ...

Well guys , its Christmas Time! and Definitely my Favorite Time of the year! And then a New Year is Coming up Fast. Finals went well .. for the most part my GPA went from the 2.35 to a 2.40 which isnt the greatest thing . In honesty but where it use to be and how it keeps climbing is what I am proud of. I got about a year of school left, to try to make it a 3.0 at the most , to make graduation good. I have an internship that I still need to do as well. This year has honestly been one of the most challenging years to date. I started the year , with so much hope and then my relationship to come crashing at my feet. But as time went by, and I started to really get back to the things that I love. I drew closer to the lord, I joined a new church , and started to help with the college ministry. I actually attend while school is in session 3 times a week some form of church. Two college ministries and my new home church. It feels like a new form of being an adult , choosing your own church...

  Its an ongoing thing , Soldiers face deployment every single day. Its hard out there and most arent the same as when they left. Sometimes they need a pick me up. And sometimes they need to know that someone is thinking about them. In this case many leave to go overseas without having anyone think about them. When mail call comes around they dont get their name called. For me this is an ongoing thing I have said as a college student . I only have the resources to sponsor one name but there are tons of names out there though many organizations. That help every solider know that they are loved. I try to send cards. And letters almost every week. I try to make it a habit to send a carepackage. Every month. I send items depending on the month and what is going on.  I have pictures of Several boxes I have made including the Christmas box I just recently sent off. Most crave anything that just reminds them of home and that people out there are thinking about them. I send sna...

I've been through a lot this year , and its almost coming to a close. November is rolling around its actually Nov.1 today as I write this. I honestly think the one thing that has been constant in my life has been my faith and my belief that god has a plan for me. Towards the start of the end of my relationship. I was bitter and clinging to some faith that it was all apart of God's Plan. That he made it end for a reason. And now that I sit here and think , maybe it was all apart of God's never ending plan for us. Well me in general , One thing that was constant that I was the light in his never ending darkness. My ex came from a dark past that still more than likely haunts him to this day. Now its growing closer to God all I have is forgiveness. I actually pray for him , when I do my prayers. I pray that he receives peace and that God protects him.I pray for all his family. Since growing closer to my faith. I've come to the choice that I need to set faith goals . And ...

Faith is something that has been a debate in my life, and for one its kept me together. I grew up in a christian household going to church for as long as I can remember and attending VBS every summer. It was the thing to do where I grew up, and then when I got older I attended, summer camp a week away from home and responsibilities. As I grew older , that is when the doubt came existent in my life , I couldn't understand why I wasn't like the rest of the girls around me. They had friends galore and boyfriends , I couldn't understand it. My faith began to falter and began to become less and less. College came around , and then it became almost non-existent I became busy with school and trying to make the grade and school activities. Then my last relationship started , and now I can admit with a non-christian he didn't believe and if he did he did not share with me. As time went by and the visits with my church came and went. Somehow I could as if I was being judged , ...

Somehow , I think a part of me died when I broke up with my ex. The part that believed in fairy tales and happy ever afters. The girl that use to believe in everyone , now is thinking when and how long will this feeling last? I fully believe now that love is another form of self harm. I hate thinking so dark , when I can be a positive person most days. Now im just looking to take care of myself , because honestly if you don't no one else will. I'm praying and hoping , I can get those wonderful words said to me once I apply for a job after college. " welcome to.." And that I am able to make my family proud , I've always felt that what I do isn't enough. And somehow most of the time I am proven right. People eventually stop talking and find something better , which is disappointing and it hurts. I'm so freaking tired of it most days and I cant stop it from happening. I use to be this girl who believed in the good of people. Now im just waiting for them to ...

They say that God gives us this one life to live and then throws in the impossible. To see if we are strong enough to live with everything that happens in our life.. Honestly there has been a few things that have made me want to check out and leave. Such as people leaving , when I full heartily expected them to stay. Friends , and close friends , all gone .. I often wonder what is my deal. With letting new people into my life. I can smile and pretend like , im letting the person in. But honestly I think im to that point where I'm so closed off now , I don't let anyone in. Unless I think they can handle it. Im one of those people who have a collection of small and big scars that are "there" on my mind and my soul. I guess its going to take someone special to look past them and see that there is something there worth loving. That no matter how closed off and how much of a train wreak I feel someday's that there is someone that is just looking to be loved and want...

When I started this blog I meant to share my love story , and have people keep up with me and my "family". I never knew this would be like therapy , but honesty it feels like it. As I go on through the 5 messages on various profiles I have on dating sites ( ive cut it down now ) . Asking myself do I really see myself with this person or do I just want someone there for the night. I browse through the comments and the " your beautiful" . They say getting on the "dating" horse is easy, and it is in a few ways. You get a good meal out of it , and some chat time , but for someone to understand how you truly feel is another thing. I went on "official" date number two on Saturday with a nice airman a solider from the base near by. Very quiet and calm person , we shared stories laughed and ate piazza at a local brewery. It was somewhat of a change of pace , then I hung out with another airman on friday.. I seem to have a pattern developing . But as much...

I am addicted to this song right now <3 I want to see him in concert.

Its Sumner and while im enjoying not having school in the middle of it all. I am enjoying my job somewhat , and learning things everyday. I have gone and thrown myself back in the dating game and lately it has been worthless. Dead ends , and hookups , nothing seems worthwhile and nothing seems like it would be worth my time. Which somehow , its hard dealing with sometimes , I mean you try so hard to move on and work to make sure that your life goes on.  But sometimes it doesnt work , im plagued with nightmares of him leaving over and over again . And yet im still left in the dust , and one memory of us laying in bed laughing smiling. But as soon as the memory is there , it is gone within the moment.  Its something that I am learning to cope with. For crying out loud we were together for 3 years and I believed we would be together forever. But yet I am proven wrong and yet I am sometimes feeling like a failure. I hope one day he looks at this and thinks maybe I shou...

I write as a form of therapy and relaxation. Though I don't base my characters on real people sometimes I do with the name change. I hope you enjoy to read more stories please check out my fig page.  http://figment.com/users/199634-Bianca-Nunez   He watched her from a distance , kinda creepy but he needed to see if she was ok. His stepmother gave her the address she had been living only an hr away from him. The door opened a wide eyed terrier , and a white cat and a Labrador came running out. She came out in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt she smiled as one of the dogs came to give her a ball . She laughed and threw the ball , she smiled as she watched the smaller and the big dog fight for it. Soon the door opened again , A man taller than her stepped out he seemed dressed for work  he gave her a kiss and picked her up. She laughed, and went inside came out that is when his heart truly broke he watched as she carried an infant in her arms no more than a month. Dressed in ...

I thought I would touch base with what is going on in the news , further more I want to declare this. Cait Jenner is not a hero , but I do have a hug and good for you . But instead of calling you a hero , I want to call you a role model to those struggling with the demons you did. That you overcame it all , and good luck with your life. But my choices honestly , I don't think you deserve that hero title I believe that soldiers out there defending your freedom and your right to be you. Have and own that title of being role model or someone who can be a light in somesomes darkness. But when it comes down to it you are not a hero..

Things are different , now this is not the 19020's or 50's. Most people don't believe in Happy Ever After , they move on from girl to girl or man to man. Growing old together most of the time means , until im bored , and I feel like im ruining your life. Its hard sometimes to understand how we can be so careless with love. I understand falling in and out of love clearly , but what I don't get is not communicating when that is happening. We just keep it all inside , we bottle it up ( I'm guilty of that) and we don't talk about it. Instead we wait and we cry alone , or drink alone. Which ever you prefer. And then we put on this mask , where we hide our true emotions we pretend that it is not hurting us. We hide our emotional , crazy bag of cats until we feel like we need to reveal it. Online dating is the end of something that use to be so special , we can scroll through a catalog of people and decide hey I want to talk to her or hey she seems nice. But most of th...

When thinking about everything and , wondering what would have happened if we did not take the risk. That life takes with it , if we did not share that last kiss or talked to that boy . Where would we be?What would we learn? Would we act the someway? would we have learned our lessons? Its all a matter of wanting and never knowing. Just a Thought for today.. 

It is Disney's 60th Celebration , I had an idea for a post since I was watching Live! with Kelly and Michel . I would tell you Guys about my Disney experience , and What it meant to me . Unlike others My first time was actually when I was about 20 years old . When I first stepped foot on Disney property. Me and my best friend , got our money together and we decided that we would finally make to Disney. After many times hoping our family would surprise us with a trip. We wanted to be those kids who talked about going to Disney over the summer or spring break. Or even Christmas break but we never were . It truly felt as if everything had finally come together, I finally got my memories! I finally met princesses , sadly I did not have enough time to meet mickey it was one or the other. I chose princesses since it was a long standing thing with me ever since I was little.   Everything was so Magical and felt so real at some points. We saw shows and rode several rides , we...

I thought I would highlight some of my current favorite websites to surf while im bored.  One of my Local and lovely Favorites is I never liked it anyway, a Fun no holds barred way to deal with a break up. The website is chalk full of helpful advice stories that you can relate to! ( even mine). Then there are the Ads You can sell , items that are not personalized but yet items that someone could use that your EX gave you! There are items from jewelry to wedding dresses . Things that people just don't want anymore because it holds bad or good memories that they rather not see or have around anymore. There are some good deals , and for the humor they come with a story and what they exactly want to do with the cash. Another thing that they do is offer a Bounce Back Box Full of Goodies to help you feel better again. I plan to purchase and review one on my other site College Girl Reviews and Savings.  You can check this out and many other things on .  https://www.ne...

Several Bloggers in the blogging , sphere I want to say . Have started a Blogging Everyday in May so I decided I would join in on the Fun as well . Since I am 8 days behind I decided to change it up a bit and do them in and out of order. Today's Prompt is 20 random facts about ME! Ok so here goes nothing.   I am a College Student , currently as I write this I am a Jr. looking to get my degree in criminal Justice with a minor in sociology. I have two brothers who are the light of my life and also can be very annoying. They are 15 and 11 years old. Lets just say  we came and are from a single parent household so im like another mother to them .  I am a huge movie buff , lets just say most of my income is spent on movies seeing them and buying them on demand or DVD or blue-ray. Faith has always been a part of my life and has always kept me together.  My plans after college are to stay in my hometown at the most for a year , get the hang of the Real world...

For we walk by faith , and not by sight what does that truly mean? when we think about it .. I believe the better term. Is how do we walk with God or are we walking with god ? We got to think about it , do we really go to God for everything that we need? We should. At the moment im stuck worrying about bills here and bills there when I should be praying and talking to God about it. And I have mostly before bed. Chances to help me have come up and im getting less and less worried about the bill and looking forward to other things coming up in my life. I do have to admit there was a Sumner during teen camp where I felt as if someone had come over and gave me this feeling as everything will be alright in your life you don't need to worry. And somehow ive felt that throughout my life , and God has always been there and has answered my prayers. He has shown me that I am worth being loved . And now I need to wait patiently to find the one who will love me for the rest of my life. Even...

Lately I have been feeding my Faith , to ultimately end up going back to church once more. While I was away I always kept my faith near me . I prayed but not as much as I would , I would pray for the normal , pray that things would get better . Pray that my relationship would get better or somehow he would turn to god. But still , I had doubts because I was not fully going after my faith. I would have doubts sometimes if there was a god or if he was truly listing to me. After my relationship ended , I got thrown into another dark place that I thought I would never find myself again in. But I was I had doubts and I was turning away from him because I believed that it was all his fault. I needed someone to blame and it was god . Why was he making me feel this way? why was I stuck again in this rut? Why was I thrown aside again? After awhile , give or take a month I began to have peace again . I stopped listing to pop music ( still listen but only during the day). While I slept I turne...

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It has been brought to my attention , that I may be too stuck on the past. That I have been blasting my Ex and have been childish in most words. Here and now I am going to clear the air in my own way. I know the relationship is over I know that more than likely . He has moved on and wont be back and I need to move on with my life. I get that , and I know that I need to move on. Ive moved on , but Im griving in my own way, by talking about it. I had three years worth of my life devoted to my relationship something that was going to be more than. A relationship , that I so badly wanted to turn into marriage. And it was heading that way , but everything changed. And my life changed , no one knows what was said that night and it will stay that way. I may have those times where I hate him , im sitting there bitter and angry. And upset that it hurts , and thats when it comes down to it. Im HURT , break ups are horrible and Im going through one. People process things in their own way , somet...

Ive been at this for a few months now I started in Feb, now its april. I have come to terms finally that I can see results from all the hard work and dedication no matter how hard it seems most days. Last night I got giddy and bought two motivation tanks to add to my growing wardrobe of workout clothing. And cannot wait to wear them to the gym, I believe its finally sinking in that I have lost weight and gained more muscle ... well some muscle. I use to weigh in at 224-225 now I weigh about 220 which is a wonderful five pounds lost! Sure it isnt much and a lot of people would give up after all this time and have only lost five pounds but I want to keep going I want to lose this weight. Next summner not this one.. ( I still got work to do!) . I want to go to my favorite store and slip on a two piece I would not have the courage to wear while being my past weight and be able to smile and be proud to wear it. This isnt a long post but I just thought I would share :)

If you follow me on my review blog you get tons of review of weight loss products. And me endorsing them they are real endorsements. I thought I would touch face on here about my weight loss journey that I have started. I was always one of those yo-yo dieters and that one person who always started eating healthy but then failed. Breaking up , or rather taking a break from my relationship ive taken a long hard look at myself. I know I am not the hottest girl out there nor the prettiest or the skinniest to tell you the truth. I know I need to lose weight , without sugar coating it. I look at all these beautiful clothing and I want to wear them . I want to feel comfortable in my skin and want to feel loved for who I am in the skin I am in. Even though I felt loved I did not feel truly loved because that sad part of me was feeling like it was pity love. That my significant other was only in love with me , because he pitted me because no one else did . Looking back on it now , that is a...

I chose to movie this movie review to my personal thoughts blog since , I tend to have my other blog family friendly. I was able to watch 50 Shades of Grey this weekend with my Best friend. What Can I say this is definitely a movie you watch with your girlfriends not with your husband or boyfriend. Its Definitely one of those movies that is certifiable a girl time movie. Anyways, if you do not know what 50 shades is about , the description follows from imbd.com "Literature student Anastasia Steele's life changes forever when she meets handsome, yet tormented, billionaire Christian Grey." It is based on the series by EL James , and there is 3 books in the series. So what are my thoughts entirely? I loved it , though you could tell some of the audience . Had not read the books everyone in the audience was an adult and enjoyed the movie. I would recommend reading the books before watching the movie because you will enjoy the movie way much better. Than the movie , but...

Its over. the words ring in my head. its a thought process you go through. I dont write much in my personal blog. I mainly update my other blog which is chalk full of reviews. So what do you do when the only life you knew for the last 3 years is changed forever? He wasn't my fiance but he was the closest thing to it. There is a lot of blame to go around it just wasn't one person, we jumped into things too quickly. We promised each other things we could not fulfill and now its just silence things left unsaid . I love you's never to be said again , And it hurts so badly like a emptiness that cannot be fulfilled until time is past.   Now that its over I often drift to the start where did I go wrong? where did I start going wrong? Did I try hard enough? why do I feel like I have let myself down and others? The questions ring in my head. I have my own apartment now , and im moving on. Im looking at other guys im making new "manships" as I call them. Maybe one of ...