Sumner Time Blues

-
Its Sumner and while im enjoying not having school in the middle of it all. I am enjoying my job somewhat , and learning things everyday. I have gone and thrown myself back in the dating game and lately it has been worthless. Dead ends , and hookups , nothing seems worthwhile and nothing seems like it would be worth my time. Which somehow , its hard dealing with sometimes , I mean you try so hard to move on and work to make sure that your life goes on. 
But sometimes it doesnt work , im plagued with nightmares of him leaving over and over again . And yet im still left in the dust , and one memory of us laying in bed laughing smiling. But as soon as the memory is there , it is gone within the moment. 
Its something that I am learning to cope with. For crying out loud we were together for 3 years and I believed we would be together forever. But yet I am proven wrong and yet I am sometimes feeling like a failure.
I hope one day he looks at this and thinks maybe I should have fought. Who knows.. its just something I deal with on a day to day basis . I know I screwed up and I know that I am going to find that will to move on and find someone else in that light. And learn how to love just as hard as before and maybe even take the crazy dive and marry the person.
"Wildest dreams by taylor swift"
"You see me in hindsight
Tangled up with you all night
Burnin' it down
Some day when you leave me
I bet these memories follow you around
You see me in hindsight
Tangled up with you all night
Burnin' it down
Some day when you leave me
I bet these memories follow you around"
But as sumner ends , we never know what the fall will bring.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Recovery and Moving on with your life : Its a Process..

-
Image
Its coming up on two years since I packed up my stuff and left the place that I called home for the last three years. Though I dont feel like I should drag out my posts on what happened , then I feel like its a step in a long recovery of loving myself. And loving things before I associated them with him. Tears pouring down my face, I was told things would not change. But they did , I lost a pet ,  I lost someone that I thought loved me. Maybe he did at some point , but the love wasn't there anymore and thinking about it now . I really wish most days I left sooner, one step with recovery is you start liking and doing things you did during the relationship. Talking with a counselor , she also spoke of it being a remembrance of good memories not the bad ones.  I took a small step in that with cooking an egg in a nest, which is a piece of bread with an egg in the middle. Which was something that I loved , when I was with him. He actually made them for me when we first started d...
Read more

When it comes down to it .. You Gave Up , I did not ..

-
Image
When it comes down to it , and its the brutal truth . Maybe someday you will read this or maybe not. Most days I believe that I kept going despite all the craziness that went with your life. If I honestly gave up then I would have left a long time ago. I stuck it out for 3 years, and when it comes close to say it. I would not have changed it for the world , you showed  me so much , what I wanted to have and what I did not need to deal with or deserve. When I do get in that mood or I think about what could have happened. I was the one who was wanting to stick it out until the end. I was the one who would have climbed mountains for you. When you did the basics , you were loving you were there for me when it counted. But at the same time , you lost that same spirit that you once had. But I still remember that day , when you gave up . When you said that is enough , when you sat and told me all these lies. And dont get me wrong , I thought at the time , it was the truth. YOU were the...
Read more

Sometimes you Just have to work at it.

-
Image
Good Relationships , Dont Just happen they are built over a span of time . Sometimes are riddled with mistakes and sometimes things are just jumped quick. For example , my relationship is something that at the same is the most unperfect thing in the world. We jumped things way too quick, we moved in too quick and we did a lot of things way too quick. Our relationship does need work and  we do know it. Sometimes well all the time you need to be honest with yourself , sometimes change is good when thinking about a lot of things. As I'm not going into details because that is my private life , but honestly when thinking about it sometimes change is good. And sometimes change is needed when improving a relationship. You just have to work at it.
Read more