My honest thoughts ,

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It has been brought to my attention , that I may be too stuck on the past. That I have been blasting my Ex and have been childish in most words.
Here and now I am going to clear the air in my own way. I know the relationship is over I know that more than likely . He has moved on and wont be back and I need to move on with my life. I get that , and I know that I need to move on. Ive moved on , but Im griving in my own way, by talking about it. I had three years worth of my life devoted to my relationship something that was going to be more than. A relationship , that I so badly wanted to turn into marriage. And it was heading that way , but everything changed. And my life changed , no one knows what was said that night and it will stay that way. I may have those times where I hate him , im sitting there bitter and angry. And upset that it hurts , and thats when it comes down to it. Im HURT , break ups are horrible and Im going through one. People process things in their own way , something that may take a week or few weeks to heal. Takes someone like me , a year or two years to heal . I loved him .... I freaking loved him with all my heart. And I believe that this was my fault I did not try hard enough to try to save what we had.
Sometimes the people we dont want to lose , we lose in this life . I feel like I was the selfish one that kept holding him back because I loved him so much . I did not want to lose him to the future. I wanted so badly to be there and be there when he is happy and discovers everything. He was wanting to discover , and I wish him the best and nothing but the best for him. ... So I know that I needed to let go and I have let go . Just people have to understand I am griving in my own way . . I just want to be left alone.

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