Wild and Faithful Heart

 I love the way , this is how I honestly feel . I am christian , but I go through my faith another way, I love all my friends dont get me wrong and my family and my soon to be family. I dont , believe in hurt or hate . I support my friends as well in the gay community even though I dont believe in what they do . But they have the freedom , to do  . We come from all the same person , God .. those who believe that it is a fairy tale . I pray for them  I pray for those who have been burned by the church and have a heart full of disbelief .So when you see me , I have no hate just love .. and this is my life and almost my answer to everything happening in this world :)

Is a huge , No in the christian community , as a child I was told to always love someone who went to church regularly and loved god and followed rules. But as time goes on, and the things that ive heard that Christians aren't staying together forever. And Christian Men aren't as perfect as they seem many deal with many addictions and hidden agenda's . Now dont get me wrong many christian men may be not like this but some are, they are just as flawed as men who aren't christian . I mean come on we aren't perfect us women either, so why should we turn down a perfectly good relationship with someone who isn't christian , and miss out on a chance to share the word and God's love? And before you say that its unheard of a Good christian girl who is dating someone who isn't christian.Well here is what I think , honestly and im going to admit this, I've been in a relationship with someone who isn't christian and im perfectly happy he doesn't ...

"Let It Go" by demi lovato Let it go, let it go Can't hold it back anymore Let it go, let it go Turn my back and slam the door The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, Not a footprint to be seen. A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen. The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside. Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried. Don't let them in, don't let them see, Be the good girl you always had to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Well now they know. Let it go, let it go Can't hold it back anymore Let it go, let it go Turn my back and slam the door And here I stand and here I'll stay Let it go, let it go The cold never bothered me anyway It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all. Up here in the cold thin air I finally can breathe. I know I left a life behind but I'm too relieved to grieve...

Two years , Ago I wouldn't have seen myself in the way I see myself now. Day by day I went on with my life thinking the worst of myself . Telling myself I wasn't pretty and to get use to  the fact that I just needed to get use to living alone and just enjoy life. I had come to terms with my single life , and decided to change myself because honestly the way I was living , I wasn't happy , with myself or my life . I talked about , before my prince charming and after having him in my life. Honestly he is the one who made me who I am today if people think if that is good or bad that is their choice. None the less , Life is way different and im more open to everything , willing to try different clothing that shows a little bit more than I'm use to . I'm gaining self confidence in myself  , things are way different. None the less I'm grateful .

I never asked to be anyone's favorite person nor be something that im not . We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are. I started this blog to release stress and give people my side of the story , my thoughts my points on life . Though I dont have many followers , I have people who care to read and know the real me . And those who listen to my rants and ravings , I dont ask for much attention nor want it  im a shy person . I dont like having all the attention on me ,  I dont care for it but im flawed at the same time sometimes I crave attention when I dont have it or need it. We are all human , we have flaws mine just seem to appear more than others . God made us beautiful in his eyes , and he wants us to see that no matter what.  

its been forever since I wrote , what can I say? life has gotten the best of me. Writing seems to help me when I seem at my lowest. I want people to know I am the same person who I was two years ago , im also wiser as well . I'm trying so hard to live the life I live , but everywhere I seem to turn im treated like a child told that im doing wrong shaking their finger at me. Its disappointing , when I feel finally I think im going to be treated right by others im not. Anyways to other worries or rather things in my life , I understand completely I look like im breaking my own rules. That I made when I was younger , do I wish I could have slowed down? yea I really do. But where I am , I'm happy im loved , im accepted for who I am inside and out . I'm currently without a job but im hoping to go back to one of my former ones in Aug . Fingers crossed! Anyways not much of a update but . its a update.

I'm sitting here watching the vow , and wondering how I would react to losing a year of my memories. In the movie she loses five , but I instead will think about a year ago , a year ago I was in college and studying and engaged to john. Thinking that I had everything planned out apart from being married to someone I never met nor hugged or kissed. Catfish its called these days , and online dating he seemed to have the same values I did so I was thrilled to find someone and he seemed to love me but what I found out was love really wasn't love . He cheated on me repeatedly and made up excuses why we couldn't see each other  , so impart sooner or later he ended our relationship because his part , he was stressed that he couldn't be there for me and my mother wasn't much help because she thought he wasn't good for me. But moving forward impart I think it was better for us to depart and stay as ex's . Now im with someone I couldn't imagine life without  our f...

I'm christian, and that is me .  What im sick of is how christian's are seen in the outside world what ive seen is that we are seen as stuck-up , rude  and we think that we are better than everyone. And sadly ive seen proof of it all , we need to change this show the world that we aren't all the same and we aren't . But then there is the world changing around us which is full temptation . And its hard , have I gave in? yes .. I'm not proud of it and im trying to change for the better . But also I lose faith in others who seem to get me down , and try to tell me that I should go their way . Because what im doing is wrong , when often apart from a few small factors im doing better . And im not the one to repeat my parents mistakes. I've risen above that , but then I have feelings of failure , that sometimes the world would be better off without me. It doesn't help when those you look up to you tell you that in their eyes you have failed. I'm t...

Well its another year , and another year has gone by.  I cant believe another year is upon us sorry that  I haven't posted in forever , I go to my job everyday and co run a household. Either way im back , and ready for this new year . Today I want to list my goals for the new year .  Finally being able to drive ,  manage money better. eat more healthier exercise more  lose weight  have a better outlook on my body image , and better self esteem plant a flower garden , and a garden  learn something new  have no fear  ,  get a better g.p.a there is a lot I have planned to start and do in this new year .