Love isnt suppose to hurt.

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(( random thoughts tonight))

Its coming up over a little of 5 years , since I turned and left a life that I didn't think I was going to leave. I know at times , people might think I sound like a broken record , since well its been five years I know most people would sit there and say come on and move on. To be honest yes I have moved on my life does not revolve around his issues or his families issues anymore. But there are after effects it has been proven that emotional abuse survivors deal with , they may move on. But by impulse there are things certain triggers that can cause a survivor to dive into a tail spin.

When I say tail spin , that doesn't mean someone is going to do something drastic . It might be something as simple as , taking an afternoon off and isolation from the rest of the world. They may cry or release the tension or emotion somehow. Within recovery you start to learn what these things are what are triggers , for me It was useful to be connected to a school that cared about mental health within students. I went to therapy for several years before I graduated. I learned how to deal with certain triggers how to counteract them. But to be honest its still a struggle to trust , when ive been given reason after reason not to trust someone. Especially when lets be honest , I have now a tendency to push people away slightly to get some breathing room and well .. they leave and then I get the bravery to try again . But its to late , im left alone , thats a huge trigger within me. Abandonment , and Lies are things I have very little patience for. It hurts , because of what ive been through to want some breathing room. Only to be left again , without an answer . Within my life , I try my best to love again , I want to love again. I think thats what a lot of survivors of emotional and physical abuse crave is to love again. To not be afraid to love or live again.
Within my recovery , I have found the passion to live again ive traveled as much as I can , (( lol within my budgets)) , ive experienced concerts and just, made plans to have a passion for life again.
Thats all a survivor can do is live life again..and work on full recovery.

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