Maybe.. A view now of a Christian ..

 Amid my crazy life , and things that now flow within it. I always come back to him , my first everything . My first true relationship , my first kiss.. there was days where life was simple. And filled with wonder and delight.

 I wanted to write this post to get this off my back. I met a milestone today I deleted hopefully and removed from sight my last photos of us. I look at the light in our eyes, the hope for the future that we were going to live together. But what I couldn't see was the slight control you had over my life. Sure I had freedoms , that was a given I was allowed to do things maybe others couldn't . I feel like this is the 6th or 5th post ive made , but when I back down I see this as a healing process. Its been a full year and a couple of months since , I turned and left. Since I left the dreams that I had thought of us. You since this , and now I have no clue last I heard you were on your 2nd girlfriend or maybe the same one. Me since then? no one , a few people have caught my attention . But nothing has stuck , in most ways I dont think im bitter , because you have someone . I hope you are happy and somewhat pleased with your choice. Because in the end , that is what you wanted. Thinking about it now , I feel like we were a good fit. But mixed in with a few character traits , that did not fit. One I believe that was huge was the fact , that I was christian and you weren't. I know plenty of couples that have seem to make it work on different sides of the spectrum. non - religious and religious that have also failed but then those relationships that have made it. The argument can be made on any side that , it either works or doesn't work. I believe we were meant to say goodbye.. in every argument  in every word said. I knew I was something with an end , I had dreams of compromising my faith and taking your name. I loved you that much, I wanted to spend forever with you. That is the one thing I dont think you understood towards the end of our relationship. That I was willing to do anything to be with you. A lot of names were thrown around , and lot of things said that fateful last night. You accused me of only being with you for the money. With all honesty I would have left within the first year , if it was just about the money. I loved you with all my heart , you were the one to see me through all the tough things I put myself through.. I dont know about you but it was real for me. You may have been lying but every word I said was the truth.. I just dont know in the end......