Wild and Faithful Heart

What is Shame defined as?  " a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior." Being Christian these feelings come full force , when we know we have done something wrong against God's Word and teachings. I can name various times where I have struggled with shame in my life, its not an easy feeling to wish away. I guess one huge example I can name , is having sex before marriage I made the mistake of believing it was something to take lightly. But as I dive further and understand the lord more and his plan for his children I know that I was in the wrong. I was the one who saw this as a time to somehow defy what I believed in. And I feel shame for it , there are days where I hate myself for the fact I gave in to lust. But when we hide is when God , reminds us he starts to call us back into his arms. In the chapter of genesis , we are given the story of Adam and Eve and as soon as they ate from the tree of knowledg

Its been about a full year and several months , since I left and never looked back and honestly I want to say two years almost.  My life , is an endless journey of finding who I am and where I am going after college . Along with taking greater steps in my life. Last January , I felt lost and alone wondering what was going to happen. I had my family and I had others that seem to lift me out of the hole I put myself in. Though there was some aspects of my relationship that were good , I mean the abuse wasn't there at some points in my life. It still did not excuse the fact that , there was certain things wrong about my relationship, wires were crossed things just did not add up. Why did he say he love me and then insult me sometimes behind closed doors? I had a dream the other night , visiting him at a house his friends and his family talking about a baby that he was going to have with his girlfriend. Then finally getting some time alone with him to ask him how he felt. Things

Maybe he doesn't hit you , is a hashtag that is starting to trend on twitter and is starting a movement to prove that abuse is not only physical but emotional and mental as well. Above is an example of a hashtag, I chose that as not only an example but also as a viewpoint of myself , something my ex did. And he used the excuse , because he loved me he felt etc was wrong for me or wasn't someone I should be talking to at the time. Or where I should work or who I should talk to because he knew them and they were not good according to him. The more I tend to look over my past relationship, the more I notice times where he was a decent boyfriend but with that being said there was periods of emotional and mental abuse that went on. Towards the end he made me feel like I was the one not paying attention, the one that wasn't putting forth the effort because I did not care. When I did , but when you are shut out , and told the same thing over and over. You stop trying to reach ou