Depression and Anixety, it gets the best of us.

I am a Survivor , the words ring true in my life. I have been through a lot . Just recently I shared a shorter version of my testimony. Which left out some things that are important but dont get to the core of things. That was a small side project. I dont like talking about it , but here on my blog. I feel free to share my emotions , for people to take it as it is. I dont see their reactions and I am able to share my life. And have it as a form of therapy , I run two blogs as some of you know and my main focus is my review blog. But this blog , I have not abandoned because its my way of sharing my feelings my life and having some sort of inspiration. For someone who may have randomly stumbled upon my blog. And for any known reason , may have needed it at that time.
Just recently , we have lost some students to suicide ...
No one likes to talk about it , No one likes to admit it , But we all have our struggles. We fight almost every single day with the fight in our minds . Some choose to fight it and they win the battle while others tend to bend the other way. They fight and then sometimes they loose the battle. They arent weak , they really arent they just fought a battle that over came them. I started this blog , with the words I am and survivor . And I am I fight my battle with depression almost every single day. And most days I win over and over , but I have seen how it is to come close to losing the battle . To sit there with the pills in your hand and wondering if the world would be better off without you. Along with depression Anxiety is a close friend , to feel and know you have friends in a room but still feel like the most alone person in the room. To have the feelings that you are not good enough. To feel like everyone is judging you.. anxiety comes in many shapes and forms to people but yet it is all the same.. Yet , I am still here , Why im I still here? Two things actually , My Family , and Christ . My brothers are the one thing that keeps me grounded especially my youngest brother. He is like my shadow sometimes , he sees my big dreams and aspirations and wants his own big dreams to match. He has a caring heart such as myself, I see a lot of myself in that kid . My phone is filled with pictures of our silly snapchats and our pics , he is the photogenic child in our family he loves the camera. He is also sorta my protector in most ways , he tends to try to stick up for me , even though I am the older one. His brother is my silent sibling and often mysterious, hes smart hes also kind in some ways. Either way both boys have kept me grounded here , if I ever seem to have thoughts , I think about them. My heart cries out that they wont inherit the same feelings I have and I do my best to keep those thoughts at bay. My mother is the grounding that holds our family together, even though we do have our disagreements. But what mother nor daughter has them?
Teen years were a rocky road for the both of us , and we survived them. Though to be honest we do have our flare ups and our bumps in the road . But we get through them , and that is what is most important when it comes down to these things.
Another thing that helps me with my everyday is my faith . Though in times past it was something that I had turned my back on its something that even more now I choose to get lost in. I pray almost every night , even though sometimes I can be forgetful. But I pray , I pray for my life , I pray for others and I pray for the blessings that he has given me. He has blessed me with friends of destiny and people I know that I can turn to. At the same time that is something though there is so much mixed views with depression and the church. And depending what happens it can be mixed views in whatever way you look at it. But when it comes down to it , talking to someone you trust is the best thing in the world. Someone you know who will open their arms and allow you to let them listen and you talk. I try my best to be in the bible and read the promises that he has for us but sometimes I fall short and I dont pick it up. At the same time I read devotionals more, I feel as I have a deeper connection when I can relate to scripture when it is in a simpler form. And made relateable in most ways. So I read , and it helps it truly does and it allows me to know that I am not alone. Another thing connected to my faith is my love for christian music. My favorite band is for king and country , and then also jordan fliez. I have a long list.. But there are songs there that I usually listen to that help me. Because that is something when it comes down to that we need is help , though most days we are too stubborn to receive it or ask for it. Because pride is a huge factor, and its hard sometimes.
But for those who Dont believe , I am not here to shove the bible down your throat . But my main message is You are not alone.. You have people here that love you.. And I am here for you.. We will win this fight together. I am now in ministry and people often wonder why? and we are often asked why? I participate and I spend my time with the ministry to help others that are like myself. To let them know that they are not alone in this fight. That I am here and I will help you get through this. I focus mainly on college and high school because these and those years were the toughest in my life.
"Let my Life , be the Proof , The Proof of Your Love." -F&K&C
I serve to help others and to show that my life , the reason I am still here on this earth is because of Christ's love . To show that depression and anxiety , though the tough and often hard battle it is.. can be won. And You can win , and overcome the daily battles.