If I could I would say this.. since you've been in my life . You've made me feel like somehow I can conquer the world and try my best at anything. When your name lights up on my phone , I smile one of those smiles that you love. Just honestly friends right now , but I want to know you more and learn more and keep having you around me. You make me laugh with the silliest and stupidest things , you make me want to be better for myself and you. I know that our pasts have been not the greatest and we've had pain and things that we regret. You tell me , your keeping your distance because your scared at what I will think. But still, I want you to come closer to draw closer within your own time. Please don't ever feel that you aren't enough. Don't ever think that I wont turn away.. somehow things work out for a reason and things are still smoky as I would call it. We don't know where this is going to go.. but I still see something there I just don't know what
Its coming up on two years since I packed up my stuff and left the place that I called home for the last three years. Though I dont feel like I should drag out my posts on what happened , then I feel like its a step in a long recovery of loving myself. And loving things before I associated them with him. Tears pouring down my face, I was told things would not change. But they did , I lost a pet , I lost someone that I thought loved me. Maybe he did at some point , but the love wasn't there anymore and thinking about it now . I really wish most days I left sooner, one step with recovery is you start liking and doing things you did during the relationship. Talking with a counselor , she also spoke of it being a remembrance of good memories not the bad ones. I took a small step in that with cooking an egg in a nest, which is a piece of bread with an egg in the middle. Which was something that I loved , when I was with him. He actually made them for me when we first started dating
When it comes down to it , and its the brutal truth . Maybe someday you will read this or maybe not. Most days I believe that I kept going despite all the craziness that went with your life. If I honestly gave up then I would have left a long time ago. I stuck it out for 3 years, and when it comes close to say it. I would not have changed it for the world , you showed me so much , what I wanted to have and what I did not need to deal with or deserve. When I do get in that mood or I think about what could have happened. I was the one who was wanting to stick it out until the end. I was the one who would have climbed mountains for you. When you did the basics , you were loving you were there for me when it counted. But at the same time , you lost that same spirit that you once had. But I still remember that day , when you gave up . When you said that is enough , when you sat and told me all these lies. And dont get me wrong , I thought at the time , it was the truth. YOU were the one
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