Wild and Faithful Heart

 If I could I would say this.. since you've been in my life . You've made me feel like somehow I can conquer the world and try my best at anything. When your name lights up on my phone , I smile one of those smiles that you love. Just honestly friends right now , but I want to know you more and learn more and keep having you around me. You make me laugh with the silliest and stupidest things , you make me want to be better for myself and you. I know that our pasts have been not the greatest and we've had pain and things that we regret. You tell me , your keeping your distance because your scared at what I will think. But still, I want you to come closer to draw closer within your own time. Please don't ever feel that you aren't enough. Don't ever think that I wont turn away.. somehow things work out for a reason and things are still smoky as I would call it. We don't know where this is going to go.. but I still see something there I just don't know what ...

  I wouldn't think of this as much as of a life update , but rather me expressing my feelings and emotions on paper.  So please bear with me if my thoughts at the moment seem like a mess.  Ever since I closed the door on one "serious" relationship . I knew within that time I needed to be happy with myself , be happy alone and understand myself a bit more. But within that I've gained the knowledge of those things that damaged me or changed me . Through out the journey of trying to alter these feelings or thoughts its been a rough patch of months and days but I feel like I've been through it . Coming out of the other side of that , I am still struggling with fearful thoughts that , people will always leave. Since I've been left so many times in my life and honestly too many times to count. But yet I have not allowed that to not make my kind heart unkind. But just rather jaded , feeling like used and left .. sorta feelings. I want that connection though I want to...